I am writing mainly for the ladies this week on a subject that is high time we addressed. What do you buy for Christmas for the man who has everything?

Tools? I don’t think so. Just the thought of another tool coming in here — well, if I knew what hackles were, it would probably make mine rise.

Men seem to have to have a special tool for everything that could possibly need to be done around the house and farm.

Heck, they could sell their tool collection and pay for the house and farm!

Men, don’t tell us that you “need” a particular tool. We know what that means!

It really means that there is a new gadget on the market and you WANT it really badly! You want to be the first one at work to have bragging rights on the new gizmo. Let me see, does that remind me of little boys and skateboards, BB guns, fishing poles, bicycles?

Yep, big toys for big boys. Well, I think from now on, any new tool that comes in here and joins all those already in the basement looks very much like yard sale stuff to me.

Just admit it, guys. You just collect tools for the sheer fun and fascination of it. It’s a hobby. Go ahead, say it. Say, “I collect tools.”

You are a bigger man for being able to say those words. SAY IT! It’s okay to have a tool collection.

Or a junk car collection or an old-nails-and-screws-you-may-need-sometime collection, or old plow share collection, hoe handle collection, little-metal-thingies-that-you-don’t-know-what-they-are-but-must-have-fallen-off-of-something-you-may-need-to-repair-someday collection!

Just admit it. Don’t tell us that you need it. If you do, we are going to expect to see some artful and necessary project taking shape. If you need it and don’t produce something, we’re going to have a yard sale.

Collection lends a whole different sort of acceptance to this touchy subject.

You buy a motor home, we better be taking a trip. You buy a boat, we better be going to the lake. See? You buy tools, you better be creating something or we are going to have a yard sale.

I know, I know, you are thinking about our shoe and purse collection, right? That’s different. We need those. What are you doing in the closet anyway? REPAIRING something?

I don’t think so, just go to the basement, I’ll stay upstairs and you stay out of the closet… and by the way, I could use some nice winter boots and a new purse for Christmas… I need them.

Phyllis Touchstone is a retired postal worker who has lived and worked in Catoosa County for the past 22 years. She is a homemaker, mother of five and grandmother of four. She can be reached at ptouchstone@catt.com.